I was reviewing the last book I read, and I thought, “You know, I should put that on my blog.”
Then I thought about the 23 books I’ve read this year and how I ought to review them on my blog, too. But who has time to read 23 book reviews?
So, I present to you, with apologies to Rinkworks, 23 BOOKS REVIEWED IN A MINUTE! That means very, very, very short reviews of each.
Lily: I’m a wizard.
Sebastian: I’m a witch.
They solve PROBLEMS with MAGIC.
Twelve princesses are cursed to DANCE EVERY NIGHT until LILY agrees to MARRY her BLACKMAILER.
Lily: Sebastian, are you keeping secrets?
Sebastian: Yes. Lily, are you keeping secrets?
Cisco goes to the ELEMENTAL PLANE and there learns an INTERESTING FACT.
A girl named HUALIAMA is TOO TOUGH TO DIE because DRAGONS. Also GRANDION has secrets TOO.
Lily and Sebastian don’t TRUST EACH OTHER because they’re a WIZARD and a WITCH with TERRIBLE HOME LIVES.
VIVIAN SMITH is FAMOUS for RUINING ALL OF TIME. See: nuclear war in WWII.
Auric: I hate my crazy dad.
Jericho: I love your crazy dad.
Auric: I hate you now, too.
CRAZY DAD runs away into the FEYLANDS.
Auric: I take it back.
Lily and Sebastian go to ENGLAND because of MORGAN LAFEY.
A bunch of KIDS go to MARS to escape ALIENS but find aliens ANYWAY.
A couple of guys try to retrace the path CORONADO took from Mexico up through New Mexico. The desert SUCKED back then and it STILL SUCKS.
Brothers: One of us turns into a snake when somebody looks at him. The other turns into a snake when nobody is looking.
Sisters: One of us has healing powers but gets uglier when she uses them. The other gets more beautiful the more cruel she is.
Now they have to GET MARRIED.
Captain: We can fly this alien ship even though it was designed by BUGS
BUGS start KIDNAPPING PEOPLE
Captain: Let’s rescue these people.
BUGS HATCH OUT OF THEM
Anna is a WEREWOLF OMEGA which means she can CALM DOWN OTHER WOLVES. So when a WEREWOLF starts hearing VOICES she can CALM HIM except the voices are caused by an EVIL WITCH.
Valancy has a WEIRD NAME and a BORING LIFE. Then she finds out she has A YEAR TO LIVE. So she IS RUDE TO HER RELATIVES and GETS MARRIED.
HOMESCHOOLERS go to a FANTASY WORLD that is really the GARDEN OF EDEN with ELVES.
Dragon: Wives are beautiful. And delicious.
Fabled, by Kara Jaynes
A girl can’t go to ARCHERY SCHOOL so she runs away and FIGHTS FAIRYTALES INSTEAD.
Sophie is studying MAGICK even though it’s IMPROPER.
Gray: I am disgraced and accused of murder. Shall I teach you magick?
Sophie’s father: I have a plot to kill the king and pin it on Gray.
Sophie and Gray GO ON THE RUN.