My spoiler-free impressions of Jurassic World

I’m not sure how I’m going to talk about this movie without giving spoilers, because there’s so many great “oh crap” and “big reveal” moments.

(Oddly enough, my four-year-old called the biggest one just by looking at the Indominus Rex. And no, I can’t share because that would be spoilers.)

First impression: GREAT summer popcorn movie. I giggled crazily through the whole thing. At the beginning, I named everybody except the main characters “dino chow”, and my prediction came true, except for one guy, who survived when I didn’t expect it. It was nice to see somebody survive one of these movies. Also, any time a bunch of faceless soldiers suit up to go fight the Indominus, they might as well be putting on red shirts, because they’re all snacks.

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Hello, lunch!
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Blue raptor, raptor blue. You know, there’s a reason people train DOGS instead of RAPTORS.
Great dinosaur science museum. I want to totally go there and touch all the displays.
Great dinosaur science museum. I want to totally go there and touch all the displays.
Just having a ball! You know, as soon as you saw this in the trailer, that some dinosaur would play soccer with this thing.
Just having a ball! You know, as soon as you saw this in the trailer, that some dinosaur would play soccer with this thing.
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Eat your heart out, Sea World.
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Here, Rexy Rexy Rexy. Also, note the tank top. All heroines in Jurassic movies are required to wear tank tops under their other clothes.

There was a fun subplot with a guy who wanted to weaponize the raptors and release them against enemy armies, especially in jungley settings. It was an interesting idea, and they try it out in the movie. They forgot that raptors are manufactured with the desire to eat every human being on the face of the earth. In fact, ALL dinosaurs at Jurassic World desire to eat all humans.

Except, for some reason, the herbivores, which never threaten to impale anybody on their horns, or whap an inquisitive tourist with a long tail.
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Which, judging by the stories of the mokele-mbembe sauropod in the Congo, (which are fiercely territorial and will attack boats), is just unrealistic.

Then there’s the big ticket item: the Indominus Rex, or the D-Rex (which should really be called the iRex, but nobody’s made that joke yet).

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This sucker has spent its life raised alone in a pen with no knowledge of the outside world. Yet it somehow is able to speak the language of every other dinosaur in the movie. (Maybe dinosaurs have a common roar-growl-snarl language?) People have laughed about how often in the movie dinosaurs stop and talk to each other. I thought it was awesome. Made them seem more like real animals.

It’s definitely a movie to see several times, just to enjoy the eye candy. And Chris Pratt’s character delivers a satisfying number of snarky one-liners. So go see this and prepare to be entertained.

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1 thought on “My spoiler-free impressions of Jurassic World”

  1. More than wanting to see it myself, it makes me happy knowing you saw it before me!!! I am so glad you saw it and now when I see it we can laugh about it.
    It makes me remember how much you loved the first one. So awesome.

    Like

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