Hooray for August! School starts, summer starts to wind down, and monsoon season starts in earnest. We haven’t had any more 117 days. It’s mostly stayed in the low 100s. It’s too good to last, I’m sure.
I feel like a recovering famine victim, but in my head. Life is settled more or less into a routine. Hubby at last has a steady job.
But as I’m trying to get back to normal and write again, I realize I’ve damaged my imagination.
There’s this meme pic I saw that says The mind full of fears has no room for dreams.
I’ve pondered that, because its true. I’ve lived in fear for so many years that my dreams are gone. Not only that, I don’t know how to dream.
This is really detrimental to writing, because in order to write, you have to daydream. I used to spend hours with my head in the clouds. Now when I have a minute to myself, I’m planning menus and lists and practical things. Because in practical things there’s no fear. I’ve learned to fear daydreams because that way lay madness.
I’m having to retrain myself to daydream silly things, and not worse case scenario. I can’t play the apocalypse game anymore. I’ve literally damaged my own neural pathways.
You know when Jesus commands us not to worry about things? He meant business. He built our brains and he knows what worry does to us. “It’s a fearful thing that fear, unchecked, can kill.”
Thankfully, other minds have been through the reconstruction stage before me. I’ve been doing brainstorming guides and things like that to get my creativity going again. It’s coming back, very slowly.
Not being able to dream has been a huge hindrance in planning school curriculum this year, too. It’s been terrible in all kinds of ways. Vacations? Nope, those don’t exist in my narrow survivalist mind. Planning beyond day to day? Can’t do it. I’m having to re-learn all kinds of basic things.
If you’re worrying about stuff, DON’T. You’ll get to a point where that’s all you can do, because your brain can’t function any other way.